I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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