bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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