please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
