I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
