I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
