brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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