i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Be still, my beating vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
