Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
