If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need a beard to bite.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
