is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
