smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
