I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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