the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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