I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
