She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
be right there i have to get my cape
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
