Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
