Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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