no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
