He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
