this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
