I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
