I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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