I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
