He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize