Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
