What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
