I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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