Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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