i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
