My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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