I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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