I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
