just tell him i said nine months
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
