dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
