how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
