Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
