Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
