Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
