Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
