i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
