so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
