tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
