he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
