You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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