remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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