the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
