i was born a porn star she said
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
