I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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