i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
