that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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