im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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