yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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