It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
