just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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