you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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