All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
