How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
