I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
