He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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