my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
