if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
