Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
