I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
