I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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