How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You took a bar mat shot.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
