i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
