Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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