It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
