he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
