dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
