hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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