i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
