he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
