just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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