I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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