i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
