I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
