I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just want nice things and good sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
